Have you ever felt drawn away? Have you ever felt like you were far from reality, okay, maybe not from reality but you just didn’t feel right? You were not sick, you were healthy but there seemed to be some factor lacking. The past few weeks have been like that for me. I have been out of touch with myself. It felt like I was just living; there’s nothing to it. I don’t know if it makes meaning to you, but yea that’s it.

 

I’m trying to look back and find out what changed and yep like you can figure out lots has really changed with me. :P I have projects to finish, I have so much to write and there’s the fiction too I have to finish with.

 

Probably you will call it feeling lazy but trust me, that’s not the answer. I just….! Then my Maker hit me and I realize that, the one thing I was lacking was my devotion to God. Yes! That’s it! I realize that my quest to seek and know God more had reduced. I hardly prayed for long like I used to; I just pick up my Bible and read, say a few short prayers which honestly to me felt useless because my heart was far from my words, I just lost concentration.

 

Most times I get myself back on track in the assembly of the people of God, specifically church. When I lose track of where I’m going I always turn to church, back to God. That’s what happened this Sunday. That’s where I realize that the one thing that was missing in my life at this moment was my devotion to God. It didn’t surprise me that it was the cause for me not moving on. It always happens, if you know me very well, that’s one way to know that all is not going right. It tells you that my seriousness with God is reduced. More or less, I have drawn myself away from my source. SOURCE! That word for me is everything, my beginning, my refinement, my end. Sometimes I look at people in this world, and I wonder how come people are able to live through each and everyday without going to their source for refreshment, direction, guidance, and all the things that we need to live. I have tried and I can tell you that I can’t. If a day goes without me talking to my source who is God, My Maker, It just doesn’t feel alright! That’s when all doesn’t work well for me.

 

I remember the prayer I prayed at church this Sunday when I realized why it felt useless the past days. “Daddy, forgive me for drawing away from you. I know for the past few days I have not been serious with the things of you and God nothing has been working right. I could have gone on for long without turning to you, but God it feels useless. I know many times this happens and I come and ask for your forgiveness and know I don’t deserve to be called your child but You made me your child. I’m not asking You to only forgive me but to grant me the strength to stay in You forever and not turn back on your ways. Thank you Jesus….” Maybe I didn’t say much but tears filled my eyes. I tried hard not to let it drop so as not to draw attention, but my God heard me and I believe He has granted me the strength, of course if not, then I wouldn’t be writing at this time, I would have probably been sleeping. :)

 

There would be many opinions probably saying that why I’m I acting like that because according to what they know I haven’t done anything wrong and they probably have done worse things. You know a simple answer to that. Wrong or in Bible word, sin is between your heart and your God, if you feel it isn’t wrong and your God is okay then continue, but that’s what I felt, and I decided to seek my Maker for forgiveness. A Sunday school teacher of mine once said when I was younger, “The definition of what is sin and what is not; rests between you and God not what people claim is wrong or right”

 

I remember there was once when I felt so sick and weak back in High School; I was in the boarding house. I was a Sunday, and service was going on. I felt so glad, so relieved that I didn’t feel any pain in my stomach anymore. I didn’t want it to end; the praises, the worship, the shouts, the word. Have you ever felt so happy in a place where you didn’t want to go back home or where you came from? That’s what I felt that day, so light that I could fly, go past the highest mountain and the lowest valleys. That’s what happens when your heart is right with God, whether in sickness or health, you remain joyous; whether the pastor’s preaching is boring or not, whether you are short or tall, whether you are rich or poor, when your heart is with God, the joy remains!

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